Finding Your Secret Sauce to Success
These two questions may help you find your secret sauce. Please close your eyes after you read each question and daydream about it for a while.
1. What do I want more than anything in the world?
2. What can I do to get it?
This is called “goal setting.” Goal setting is deciding what you want and then figuring out how to get it. For example, when I was at the Republic, my goal was to get out. I thought about running away, but I knew that would just get me in more trouble. So, I decided to beat them at their own game. Instead of fighting the system, I’d find ways to stand out and earn rewards. Maybe they’d think I was all fixed and set me free sooner?
I set a goal and put together a plan to reach it. I became the Chaplain’s Assistant. I was the Outstanding Student of both the 10th and 11th grades and sang in the student choir. I became the Sports Editor of the campus newspaper, the Republic Citizen, and was appointed to the Student Council. I captained our cottage intramural sports teams and earned the prized position of head floorwalker, the boy trusted by the house parents to keep 65 wild teenagers in line.
I haven’t a clue if my good behaviors and small successes made even a minute of difference in how long I stayed at the Republic. What really happened was that when I turned my attention away from the past and began setting and reaching future goals, hope slowly crept into my life. I no longer saw myself as the dumbest, ugliest, most worthless and unlovable loser on the planet. I no longer cursed being born. I even started liking me a little bit. This one decision started the turnaround in my life. By setting a goal to get paroled ASAP, I took my first baby step out of the past and into the future.
Every journey starts with a first step. Changing a lifetime of negative thoughts into positive thinking doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes time to put the past in the past and replace it with the promise of the future. I still fell into old mental traps like self-pity and feeling not good enough when I failed, but I also felt a new sense of pride when I succeeded. The more goals I achieved, the less I revisited the old mental traps and the more confident and prouder of myself I became. That’s my secret sauce!
I set a goal and put together a plan to achieve it. In the process of trying to reach my goal of getting released, I set smaller goals, like being a top student and cottage leader. Without even knowing it, I was learning to take control of my own future a little bit at a time. The same can be true for you, if you learn how to set and reach goals.
Set your own goals and learn how to achieve them.
Start with something you really want to do. The more you want to do it, the more likely you are to actually do it.
Make your goals specific. Figure out exactly what you want to accomplish. For example, instead of making a general statement like “I want to get a better grade in English,” say “I want to make an A in English this semester.” Your goal is to make an A and “this semester” is the specific time-line to reach your goal.
Put your goals in writing. Your words are your guide to success. Write them down using positive terms, like “I WILL make an A in English this semester.”
Develop an action plan. An action plan is a list of the things you need to do to reach your goal. For example, to get an A in English this semester, you may need to take these actions to reach your goal.
1. Don’t doodle or daydream in class
2. Concentrate on listening to the teacher
3. Ask the teacher questions when you don’t understand something
4. Ask a classmate for help
5. Take accurate notes and review them
6. Complete all homework assignments on time
7. Study English one hour per day during the school week
8. Do not cram for tests
9. Keep a daily to-do list
Keep a daily to-do list. A to-do list is a series of the things you need to do that day to stay on track to reach your goal. Write a new to-do list every morning before school. Put the most important tasks at the top and do them first. Your English to-do list might look like this:
1. Finish reading chapter five and answer the review questions
2. Double-check answers to the review questions at lunch
3. Review class notes on the school bus home
4. Ask Bonnie to study together after school
Don’t give up. Some goals take more time and are more difficult than others. That doesn’t mean they can’t be done. It means it’s going to take more time, patience and effort to reach your goal. Never quit! Quitting is the easy way out. It’s also how you fall back into old mental traps, like feeling sorry for yourself or believing you’re a worthless loser. Keep pushing forward. That’s how you learn to succeed.
Reward yourself. Congratulate yourself when you reach your goal. Isn’t it a wonderful feeling? Do something special for yourself. You deserve it! You’ve done more than you realize. You also learned to take your mind off the past and use your mental powers to create your dream future. This is how you achieve success!
What is your secret sauce to success? *
*Adapted from our book, Beating the Odds In and After Foster and Residential Care
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